Bumper Sticker 'Stravaganza

Do you have a bumper sticker on your car? Did you see someone with a bumper sticker the last time you were out driving? Chances are you answered "Yes" to at least one of those questions. And considering my audience, chances are you moved your lips while reading those questions.

Huh?

Bumper stickers are immensely popular. For some reason millions of people think it's a good idea to slap stickers on their vehicle that most likely cost thousands of dollars, just so people they don't know and will almost certainly never meet can know something about their beliefs and/or hobbies. And they pay money for them! That's where I'm stepping in.

You see, someone has to be writing these things. And I assume someone is paying those people to write these things. And then I realized - I'm people! I like to get paid for stuff! I should get in on that.

I could retire off of this guy alone.

So I'm launching my bumper sticker writing career right here. And as readers of my blog you get to see my first batch of bumper sticker ideas free of charge! You don't even need to be driving to read these. In fact, you almost certainly shouldn't be driving while reading these. Reading a blog while driving seems like a bad idea.

Gingrich eats babies? Hah! Totally worth it.

(Unfortunately, I have absolutely no Photoshop skills, so I can't show you what the bumper stickers will look like. Just imagine that each of these is in a rectangle with a colored background. That's pretty much all there is to it.)

Enough introduction, let's get to the bumper stickers. Huzzah!

- Honk If You Love Confusing the Motorists Around You.

- NoR-omney

- You don't have to be crazy to work here.

   In fact, they probably wouldn't hire you if you were crazy.

- My Other Car Has This Same Bumper Sticker (sold in a two-pack. That's twice the value, bumper sticker companies!)

- The Nile is a River in Egypt. 

   Cairo is a City in Egypt.

- Where the Heck is the nearest Walgreens?

- FUCK (this might be the best one. I should charge extra for it.)

- My Child is an Honor Student At (Insert School Here). Well, last semester he was. He's having a harder time this semester. He doesn't like his classes as much, and there's been problems at home. Plus, as a teenager, the hormones are just going crazy at this point. That can't help, right? I mean, being a teenager in general ain't easy, what with the internet and ishdjasdas......

- This Sticker is Covering a Scratch on my Bumper.

- THE GRAND CANYON 

  (is somewhere I hope to visit someday.)

- My Religion is Most Likely More Correct than Your Religion.

That's enough for now. I don't want to give it all away for free, like some kind of sticker whore. To all you Bumper Sticker Company executives reading this, I'm looking forward to your money. Call me!

If you've got any bumper sticker ideas of your own, leave them in the comments. If they're good enough, I might just steal them. Lucky you!

But then you could put this sticker on your car. So win/win, really.