Sunday, February 17, 2013

Blockity Block McBlock

Man, it seems like it's been weeks since I've written anything here. Oh, it actually has been weeks? Awkward.

For the three of you that actually pay any attention to this blog, I'm sure you've noticed that the last few months have brought fewer, shorter, and more sporadic posts. There's several reasons contributing to why this has happened, but I'm not going to bore you with them. What it boils down to is Writer's Block. My ideas have dried up for the moment. And that's using the word "ideas" rather liberally, as readers of the blog know all too well.

I'm not quite ready to call it quits on the blog, but to be honest it will almost for certain be a while before I start posting with any regularity again. A very tiny person is coming to live with me and the sister wives any day now, and that will probably take up a little bit of my time.

But I am planning what I think is an interesting and potentially entertaining experiment for this blog come April or May. So please, check back in occasionally. Hopefully I'll get out of this writing slump before too long.

And to help hold you over for a little while, here is an awesome image I found. No need to thank me.

Unlike that jaunty, one-shoulder, flowered cape.

See you soon!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, everyone! It's 2013!

Wait, what? It's been 2013 for 3 weeks already? Damn, that hangover was worse than I realized.

I guess that's why Ace seems so sick of these glasses I've made him wear since New Years Eve.

Oh well. Whenever you choose to acknowledge it, Happy New Year to you!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


Anybody still here?

Preferably someone made of meat?
Man, whoever runs this place sure has let it go to shit.

Much like downtown Phoenix, pictured here.
Someone should tell that guy to get off his ass and post something.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012


December 25th falls on a Bat-Tuesday this year, and we all know what that means.

That's right, it's Batmas Day!

Hopefully crime does take a holiday.
But please, try to remember what the real purpose of this day is, and not just focus on the gifts.

Or on fighting Christmas Bears.
What I'm trying to say is, let's keep the "Bat" in "Batmas!" 

He's the reason for the season!

Happy Batmas everyone!

Friday, December 21, 2012

That's All, Folks!

Well, this is it. Today is the end of the world. I assume any moment now I'll be swept up in the Rapture, or a meteor will strike the earth, or a giant Mayan will pee lava on everyone.

Which is clearly what this depicts.
So before we go I might as well get a few things off my chest:

- I've never been potty trained.

- I once ate a live squirrel because I thought it would be funny. It was not.

- Adam T. Johnson is just an alias. I'm actually respected actor Forrest Whittaker.

- I'm secretly jealous of the Danish and all they've accomplished. That's why I make fun of them so much.

- And most importantly, this last one is to you, my readers. I can't stand a single one of you. You all disgust me. You can all Apoca-kiss my ass.

JC's with me on this one.
Ahh, it's so freeing getting that all off my chest. Thank goodness the world is ending or I would have been way too embarrassed to write any of that.

Sayonara, suckers! I'm going out with no regrets!

Unless the world doesn't end in the next few hours. That would be awkward. But that doesn't seem very likely.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Parker Lewis Says:

With the apocalypse coming on Friday, it looks like even I can lose.
Maybe Cousin Balki got lucky and has been holed up in a Doomsday bunker somewhere.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Arma-geddon Ready for the Apocalypse

I realize it's been a long time, even for me, since I last posted here. But it's been even harder than usual to muster up the energy to write a post. Or to do much of anything responsible, really. No, it's not because I'm clinicily depressed. It's because the world's ending soon, and I'm trying to live it up as much as I can before then.

I see this and I think "Party!"
Yes, I know I've claimed the world was ending before. But this time people other than me are also saying that we're in the Last Days. I think they're called Mayans.

And they're going out debt free!
The last 2 weeks have pretty much been a drunken haze. But that's not how I want to spend these last 10 days. I want to be able to remember and savor my last fleeting moments on this planet. Which is why I've saved up all my favorite things to do these last 10 days we all have on earth.

I'm going to start out by buying all kinds of awesome books and gadgets with the Borders and Circuit City gift cards I've been saving up. Then for the next week and a half I'm going to sit on the couch eating nothing but Twinkies and watch all the episodes of One Life to Live that I set my Tivo to record this past year.

For some variety maybe I'll run out and rent a movie.
Yes sir, absolutely nothing can go wrong with this next 10 days. I almost wish the world would end all the time.

See you on the other side, suckers!