Look, Over There . . .

. . .What's that behind you?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

BOO!

Oh man, I got you good. You should see the look on your face. Classic.

Happy Halloween!

2 Years? 2 Years!

2 years ago today I was fortunate enough to trick this lady into marrying me.

I got a great discount on my insurance that day, too.

I wish there was a word for what today is. Something like blorthday or centaversary. But more related to weddings and tracking time since the wedding in 1 year increments. Maybe "Same Calendar Day as the Day We Got Married Day," or "Wedbirth-day." I can't believe no one has thought of this yet.

Anywho, thanks for marrying me 2 years ago, woman who I want to call Flo but I'm pretty sure that's just because of the costume! It's been great!

Thinking Out Loud

If you really want to mess with peoples' heads this Halloween, dress up as someone that's giving out Halloween candy to trick-or-treaters. Then go trick-or-treating.

Who's trick-or-treating who?

That oughta get people talking.

Happy Halloween!

For your Weeny treat, here's two tall guys in dressed up in tiny, tight shorts.

At least I think they're both wearing shorts.

Although I'm pretty sure at least one of them was hoping you'd pick "Trick."

5 Bad Last-Minute Trick-or-Treat Ideas

Weeny is less than a week away. If you're anything like me, or the average Danish person, you're too lazy to go out and buy candy for the trick-or-treaters ahead of time. After all, you've got almost a week still, right? But next thing you know the doorbell rings and you realize H-dub is here and you don't have any candy in the house.

Shit, I don't have these kind of treats either.

In a blind panic, you're bound to grab the nearest small item and throw it in the bags just outside your door, in the hopes that the little bastards holding those bags will go away. And that would be a huge mistake.

Remember when I referred to the trick-or-treaters as "bastards"? You should. It's literally like a half an inch above this line. I'm worried for you if you forgot already. Anyway, they're bastards for a reason. Give them something crappy and you're in for a night of rotten eggs, flaming bags of poo, and police responding to falsified complaints of you exposing yourself to the children. But don't worry, my crack staff of H-weeny experts have come up with the most likely items to bring down the wrath of today's asshole trick-or-treaters. 

But wait, there's more! I'm not just going to tell you what not to give. I've come up with replacement ideas that every child that shows up at your house and demands free stuff should enjoy. My award winning* advice is yours, absolutely free**, after the jump.

Costume Conundrum

Halloween is just over 2 weeks away. Not wanting to get stuck without a H-Dub* costume, I'm trying to plan ahead. Because Weeny** is too important of a holiday to not take seriously.

Right now I've got it narrowed down to two choices. I read an article in a local newspaper that "sexy" costumes are in***, so I thought I'd try that out. And knowing that the ladies love Disney characters, I thought this would be a good choice.****

Not sure how the Spider-Man speedo fits in, but I can roll with it.

My other thought was to go with something topical. Something that the hip youth of today's kid culture can relate to. Because I desperately want to be liked. So naturally I settled on Borat. Everyone still loves Borat, right?

Apparently including a fake moustache would have been too ridiculous.

Either that or Austin Powers. I can't imagine people getting sick of my impressions of either character.

What do you guys think? Anyone have a better costume idea? I would even consider ones that don't include my bulge showing. Although I'll be less likely to choose those.

* This is one of my totally cool slang terms for Halloween. I'm pretty sure everyone will be saying it soon.

** Or maybe this one.

*** Seriously, do a search of your local paper's archives, and I guarantee within the past 3 years they've done a story on how Halloween costumes are becoming "sexy." There's a chance they've run the same story each of the past 3 years, or longer. And it's totally not just an excuse for a local newspaper to run pictures of women dressed like slutty witches. No sir.

**** I don't actually have anything for this. I was just having too much fun with the asterisk key to stop.