Who Wants Some CRAAP?

Holy crap, it's time for more CRAAP!

That's right, once again I'm ripping off Larry King's old USA Today column and bringing you another edition of Crazy Ramblings And Aimless Perceptions! I honestly don't know how you'll be able to contain your excitement.

This is how I picture my readers reacting.

- My 2 big toes are very different shapes from one another.

- I once played Chinese Checkers with Zsa Zsa Gabor. She's a lovely lady and an all-around class act.

- If you're ever having one of those days where nothing seems to go right, I feel sorry for you. That's never happened to me.

- Have you ever seen an Eskimo? I haven't.

Wait! There's one.

- Hummingbirds seem misnamed to be. They should be called superfastflappybirds. Because that's what they really are. Well, that, and delicious.

- Has anyone heard from Charles Nelson Reilly lately? That guy cracks me up.

Hilarious!

- They should make a vest with sleeves. I'd buy the shit out of that.

- Tacks Time is right around the corner. That's not a typo. There's a store around the corner from me that sells all kinds of different tacks. I love that place.

- Madagascar has surprisingly lenient liquor laws.

There's gonna be a full diaper come morning.

- I once ate pizza 2 days in a row. Continuously. 

- Do you smell something burning?

- Cats poop in a box that you keep in your house. I find that weird.

- Quick! Where are my pants?