Rejected Articles and Posts of Ephemera

Are you sitting down? I hope so. Because I'm about to blow your tiny little mind.

This post is a list of ideas that I decided weren't good enough to write a post about.

That's right. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I don't post every stupid thought or idea that pops into my head. I'll give you a second to let that settle in.

While you do that, I'll play some video games.

You're back? Sorry, got caught up playing the Baby Moses board. Those Egyptians are tough to beat.

Anyway, the truth is there are times I get ideas for a post that for some reason or another I eventually abandon. Sometimes it's because the idea isn't enough for it's own post, sometimes because I don't think it's funny, and more often than I'd like to admit it's because it would just be way too offensive to one group or another.

But the Danish just suck SO HARD!

But if there's one thing this blog is about, it's being totally open and honest, (well that, and Cousin Balki.) That's why I've decided to share these rejected ideas with all of you in a new feature I call Rejected Articles and Posts of Ephemera! Or for short, RAP-.

Nope. Forget that part. That's tasteless, even for me. No acronym for this post.

Below are the titles of some of my rejected post ideas. For some it will be pretty obvious why I abandoned the idea. For others I've included my reasons in parentheses. Huzzah!

- Mayonnaise: The True Story

- 5 Things You Didn't Know About my Post - 7 Things You Didn't Know About the MN State Fair (This seemed a little too meta to me.)

- Robbing the CVS at the Corner: A Step by Step Guide

- 8 Secrets John Stamos Doesn't Want You to Know! (He wouldn't return my emails asking him what 8 of his darkest secrets are, so I had to scrap the idea. It would have been so good, too.)

- A Pie Chart of the Sandwich I Ate for Lunch Today

It would have looked like this, only a sandwich. And a chart.

- What's Wrong With My Foot? (Too gross.)

- What's Wrong With My Other Foot? (Too embarrassing.)

- Something that would have allowed me to use this photo:

Because nothing's funnier than dozens of bleached animal skulls.

- Check Out This Weird Bug! (There was a really weird bug by me. It was seriously weird.)

- Celebrities I Would Like to See Across a Crowded Restaurant, But Not Talk To Because I Don't Want to Interrupt Their Dinner, or CIWLSACRBNTTBIDWITD! (Even for me, this title just seemed too unwieldy. And this was the short version.)

So now you see what ideas I have that don't even measure up to my almost non-existent quality standards for this blog. Although since I just wrote a post about them, I obviously did think they were worth sharing. That's awkward.

Oh well, hope you enjoyed this first installment of RAP....

Sorry, almost forgot. You'd think I would just change the name.