Happy Memorial Day!

This guy here can sum up my plans for the day better than words ever could.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Bachelor Party!

I've got the house to myself. The sister wives are out of town visiting friends or researching bigamy laws or something. And that means I can finally let my hair down and be myself for a few days.

So how is it going? Awesome. That's how.

Not wanting to fall into lame "single-guy" stereotypes just because the wives are away, I decided I'd still make a decent dinner for myself each night. Unfortunately that only lasted for the first 2 days.

I somehow ran out of ingredients.

But I'm pretty resourceful, so I'm still managing to get by.

Functional AND fashionable!

Installing the radiator in the middle of the living room was more work then I would have expected. And afterwards I remembered that I own a grill. But those were some damn good hot dogs.

Other than that I've been keeping a pretty low profile. No wild parties or anything. Although I did have a few guys over one night.

They left as soon as the hot dogs were done.

Ace seems to be enjoying the "Guy Time," as well.

It turns out that dogs love Crisco. Who knew?

Yep, just a guy and his dog, enjoying some time alone and not at all falling into lame, hacky, "married men can't survive without their wives" kind of stereotypes. And I've even come up with a great idea for my next post.

Have you ever noticed how bad airline food is? I have!

Trippy, Man...

Wow. Nega-Adam is pretty fucking badass.

I should try to look like that all the time. I best get tanning.

Huge Freaking Sawfish

This might seem like a lazy post, since I'm once again just posting a video my brother shot. But at least this time it's a little more relevant to this blog since I'm the tall guy in the orange shirt standing on the other boat at the end of the video.

While in the Bahamas last week, my brother and a crew from the Shark Lab caught a huge sawfish, an animal that's critically endangered and very rare to see. One of the sister-wives and myself were lucky enough to be visiting when it happened. After this footage was shot, we got a chance to snorkel pretty close to it. I probably got within about 20 feet of it. It's definitely the biggest animal I've ever seen in the wild, and was pretty amazing getting to see it up close.

So sit back and enjoy the video. I think Grant even managed to edit out most of the swearing. So feel free to crank the speakers up.

Bat-Tuesday

It's a beautiful spring day! What say we go out and get some ice cream, Batmandu?

C'mon, Batty. You need to let your hair down. I'm not taking no for an answer.

So what kind of ice cream do you want?

Excellent choice!

Just make sure you don't eat it too fast, or you'll wind up with...

... an ice cream headache.

That's Batman for you. Ice cream is his one weakness.

Well, that, and bullets. And bombs too, I guess. And if he fell like a 100 feet that'd probably mess him up pretty bad.

But mainly ice cream.

It's The End of the World As I Know It

We're at DEFCON 5, people. The Apocalypse is upon us, and it's every man, woman, and shwo-man* for themselves.

And what's worse, it doesn't appear to be just one Apocalypse, but several happening at the same time.

First, I saw a gang of zombies shambling down the street. Or is that gaggle of zombies? Either way, the zombies are here. Granted, some people would probably try to claim that they weren't zombies, they were just pale people.

Others might point out that they were obviously children.

Those people are probably having their brains served as a snack for the zombie horde. I say snack and not meal, because those people are obviously idiots with tiny brains.

That had me pretty on edge, but I wasn't convinced the End Days were upon us quite yet. That didn't happen until later that night, when first I contracted what I can only assume was the Mad Ebola virus, and then a tremendous explosion shook the house, clearly signifying that the Danish have finally launched a nuclear attack against us.

Those bastards were just biding their lazy, lazy time.

One of the sister wives tried to convince me that I had just sneezed and then someone outside had slammed a car door, but I wasn't having any of it. So for the immediate future I'll be holed up in my Doomsday Bunker, eating can after can of stewed beets, riding out Armageddon in relative comfort while the rest of you die miserably.

My bunker can be described in two words: Impregnable.

It's been nice knowing you, suckers. Say hello to Hell for me.

Unless this all turns out to be a false alarm. In that case, make sure to come back next week for a new Bat-Tuesday post!

* I've been told I need to be more "inclusive" with my blog if I want to get more traffic. So hopefully this placates all the shwo-mans out there.