Drunk Post!

The world has never been so hot and sticky, and amaretto sours are delicious. These things are facts.

Also fact: Even drunk I can pronounce "Disaronno" better than this guy.

Anyone that disagrees is the devil.

No, you are!

Under Construction

No, the website isn't under construction. Sorry to anyone hoping for a new look for Undocumented Facts, but I have neither the desire, time, or intelligence to redesign this site.

But the room I write the blog in is currently under construction. Take a look.

Homer is not pleased with the current situation.

In case you missed it in that picture, my computer is somewhere under all the splattered paint and plastic. To help you out I even highlighted it in this next photo, Madden style!

Sometimes I think I'm TOO giving to you people.

So due to the condition my "work" space is in, I'm using it as an excuse to get out of doing a new post. Because I totally can't get past that plastic barrier to get at the computer. Or use another computer.

If I can't get to a computer to put up a new post, how am I telling you all of this through a new post? Pure willpower, that's how.

Enough to make this guy seem like a pussy.

That seems believable.

Funniest. Post. Ever.* - A Tribute

So earlier tonight I wrote what was, clinically, the funniest thing ever written in the universe.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that I had been drinking nail polish remover and snorting ranch dressing, I forgot to save what I wrote. And I now that I'm starting to come down from my salad dressing high, I can no longer remember anything about it. Other than that it was hilarious. Seriously.

So a moment of silence please, in remembrance of a post so gut-wrenchingly funny it would have raised Joseph Stalin and Jeffrey Dahmer from the dead and made them publicly apologize for all the horrible things they did. Right before they died again because their bodies are all rotten and their lungs and other organs don't work. You know, because they were dead.

That tombstone is totally obsolete.

We miss you, funniest post in the known and unknown universe. You left us too soon.

* I'm pretty sure this is my first Simpsons reference on the blog. I'm as shocked as you are.

Max to the eXtrEmE!!!!

I'm typing this while doing a 480 heel-float on the heli-vert.

That's totally me.

Why? Because I'm HardCORE EXTREME to the MAX!! Wiggidy-wiggidy whack!

You want to know how totally eXTReme I am? Let me run you through my typical day, after the jump.

More like Bungee Jump! Face!!!!!!