Who Wants Some CRAAP?

Holy crap, it's time for more CRAAP!

That's right, once again I'm ripping off Larry King's old USA Today column and bringing you another edition of Crazy Ramblings And Aimless Perceptions! I honestly don't know how you'll be able to contain your excitement.

This is how I picture my readers reacting.

- My 2 big toes are very different shapes from one another.

- I once played Chinese Checkers with Zsa Zsa Gabor. She's a lovely lady and an all-around class act.

- If you're ever having one of those days where nothing seems to go right, I feel sorry for you. That's never happened to me.

- Have you ever seen an Eskimo? I haven't.

Wait! There's one.

- Hummingbirds seem misnamed to be. They should be called superfastflappybirds. Because that's what they really are. Well, that, and delicious.

- Has anyone heard from Charles Nelson Reilly lately? That guy cracks me up.

Hilarious!

- They should make a vest with sleeves. I'd buy the shit out of that.

- Tacks Time is right around the corner. That's not a typo. There's a store around the corner from me that sells all kinds of different tacks. I love that place.

- Madagascar has surprisingly lenient liquor laws.

There's gonna be a full diaper come morning.

- I once ate pizza 2 days in a row. Continuously. 

- Do you smell something burning?

- Cats poop in a box that you keep in your house. I find that weird.

- Quick! Where are my pants?

Crazy Ramblings And Aimless Perceptions

Did you ever read Larry King's column that he used to write for USA Today? Basically he would just spit out whatever random, crazy thing was in his head with no regard for coherent thought or complete sentences. And he got paid for it. That's insane. And something that sounds totally easy to do.

So welcome to the first edition of Crazy Ramblings And Aimless Perceptions, or CRAAP for short. (I wish I could think of something funny for that acronym, but you can't win them all.) In these posts I'm just going to write whatever pops into my head and share it with you, my undeservedly lucky readers. And I'm doing it all for free! Suck it, Larry King!

I've angered the beast.

 - If I were the Human Torch, I'd be eating s'mores all the time.

- Ginger ale is like tiny angel kisses on your brain. So is meth.

- String cheese is neither string nor cheese. Discuss.

Pretty sure it's not an incident, either.

- If I could be any animal I'd probably be a bear. They get to sleep half the year and spend the other half getting fat enough to go back to sleep. That sounds awesome.

- Conversely, the animal I'd least like to be is a horse. They work all the time, and sleep standing up. No thanks.

- Apparently an animal's sleeping habit is the most important quality to me. Who knew?

- I like pie.

- Day in and day out, Ziggy says the things the rest of us don't have the balls say.

Way to stick it to the man, Ziggs!

- I don't believe in Asians.

- I once accidentally wore my boxers backwards. It wouldn't have been too big of a deal, but I forgot to change them for over a week.

- Have you ever used mouthwash? I haven't.

- They should make a 2 person motorcycle where the people can ride side by side. And to protect you from rain they should enclose it. And instead of those uncomfortable handlebars they should use a wheel to steer, like from a ship. Anyone with me?

Like this.

- What's the deal with hand soap?

- I think I'm going to go eat some pie.


P.S. - Happy birthday to this guy!

Well that's just rude.