Reckless Activities for Stupid People #6

Man, my posting frequency has gone way down the last few months, hasn't it? Apparently all my post ideas came from cigarettes. Who knew?

Fortunately for me, this has happened before. Yes, back when I was writing a quarterly column, I still couldn't keep up with any kind of deadline, and as a result wrote a Reckless Activities for Stupid People column based off of that very idea. Thanks, Past Me! For once you didn't screw over Current Me.

But we both hate Future Me. Fuck that guy.

So here you go, yet another old Reckless Activities for Stupid People column is after the jump. Try to contain yourselves.

Reckless Activities for Stupid People #5

Pssst, Adam. You're overdue getting a post up. What have you been up to?

Where'd you come from?

Ah, I see. A night on the town with "the Boys."

Well, luckily there's still a pile of stuff you wrote a decade ago that we can use. Thank goodness you were prolific at some point in your life.

So once again, after the jump, it's a vintage installment of Reckless Activities for Stupid People! Read it and weep!

Reckless Activities for Stupid People #4

So in case you haven't noticed, my posting frequency has gone done a bit in the past few weeks. Apparently I only had 3 funny ideas when I started this blog. But I did manage to spread them out between 27 posts so far. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

To hold over the angry mobs clamoring for more content, I've decided to post another "Classic" Reckless Activities for Stupid People! This is probably my favorite one, so hopefully that helps.

And to sweeten the deal, I've also posted the funniest picture ever found on the internet just below. Because I'm a giver.

I can't believe they were even able to fit a woodchuck in there.

Man, that cracks me up every time I look at it. Hopefully the RASP column isn't too big of a letdown after the hilarity that is the above image. Let's get stupid!

Reckless Activities for Stupid People #3

You know who's lazy? Well, other than Danish people, that is.

Look at all those lazy bastards.

Me. I'm lazy. And we all know what that means. Another quote/un-quote Classic column of Reckless Activities for Stupid People! Get excited, morons!

And this one even ties in with my last post. It's like I had it planned out all along. In fact, forget that I just admitted that I hadn't planned it in advance. Because I totally did. This blog is an intricately laid out puzzle, and I already know what all the pieces are.

Ok, enough of that crap. Let's get to the column. Huzzah!

Reckless Activities for Stupid People #2

It's another "classic" column of Reckless Activities for Stupid People, lightly updated for the savvy readers of 2011. And Beyond!

Why another old column, you ask? Well, other than the obvious "Historic Preservation" aspect of it, the answer is simple. I wanted to get a post up, but not take the time to actually write one.

And these day old fries won't eat themselves.

So once again, my laziness is humanity's gain. You're welcome, everybody in the world.

Reckless Activities for Stupid People Version 5.0: Stupid Lives!

Introduction - A Column for the Ages

The article you're about to feast your eyes on has a lot of history behind it. Reckless Activities for Stupid People in general, and this entry specifically, have had a pretty crazy life.

This entry first began as a speech I gave in a college speech class. I got an "A". I pretty much rule like that.

 A few years later I wrote it down, slapped the title "Stupid Activities for Reckless People" on the top of it and had it published in the school newspaper of a college in Alabama that I didn't attend. I did live in the dorms there for 3 weeks, despite not going to school there, but that's a different story.

Later still, I changed the title to "Reckless Activities for Stupid People" (because I liked RASP as an acronym better than SARP,) decided to make a reoccurring column out of it, and started posting on themestream.com. Themestream was a website that initially paid writers 10 cents per unique hit on every article. Quickly realizing that was bat-shit insane, they dropped their rates to 2 cents a page. But considering they literally let anyone post anything, that was still a ton of people getting paid to post mostly terrible articles. In less than a year they were out of business. I managed to get one $25 check from them before they folded. Considering I was working for ASP at the time, that represented about 3 days pay, so I was thrilled.

A few years later I moved the column over to a horror website called deviantminds.com. Despite the fact that this column has nothing to do with the horror fiction genre, I had a bit of a name for myself in the small press horror community and they were happy to have me aboard. The website eventually shut down when the editor was suspected of helping his mother murder his father and then dismember the body in an attempt to hide it. Seriously.

And many years later here we are. After starting life in a college class almost 20 years ago (Jesus Christ, I'm old,) Reckless Activities for Stupid People lives again. I've decided to keep the "classic" columns as they were, including the beginning disclaimer and my always changing bio at the end of them. Mainly because I put some funny shit in the bios. This first column isn't the funniest of the bunch. I sweetened a few parts up, but it's largely the same as the original speech. Hard as it may be to believe, my writing has improved over the years. But this first entry has the most history of anything I've written, and has been seen/heard by the most diverse audience. So despite its flaws, I like it, warts and all.

I also realize this introduction has been long on the history, and short on the funny. But when  RASP becomes an international smash hit all this info will come in very handy for whomever writes the inevitable Wikipedia entry. You're welcome, nerd of the future.

And now, after the jump, brace yourself for the 5th ever world premiere of Reckless Activities for Stupid People! Bring an extra pair of pants. You're going to need them.