Reckless Activities for Stupid People #3

You know who's lazy? Well, other than Danish people, that is.

Look at all those lazy bastards.

Me. I'm lazy. And we all know what that means. Another quote/un-quote Classic column of Reckless Activities for Stupid People! Get excited, morons!

And this one even ties in with my last post. It's like I had it planned out all along. In fact, forget that I just admitted that I hadn't planned it in advance. Because I totally did. This blog is an intricately laid out puzzle, and I already know what all the pieces are.

Ok, enough of that crap. Let's get to the column. Huzzah!

Max to the eXtrEmE!!!!

I'm typing this while doing a 480 heel-float on the heli-vert.

That's totally me.

Why? Because I'm HardCORE EXTREME to the MAX!! Wiggidy-wiggidy whack!

You want to know how totally eXTReme I am? Let me run you through my typical day, after the jump.

More like Bungee Jump! Face!!!!!!

The post that ended racism.

You ever notice how white people surf the internet like this:

While black people surf the internet like this?

Man. White people be trippin'.

Lunch of the gods!

I'm convinced that 98% of what people post on Facebook and Twitter is what they're eating for lunch at that moment. I can't actually check, since I don't know how to use the internet*, but I'm pretty sure there are studies out there that back up my theory.*

I've never been one to avoid jumping on every bandwagon that passes me by, so I'm sharing with you, my threes of loyal readers, what I had for lunch today. Rejoice!

Those are white bread sandwich thins with shredded cheese on top. I melted the cheese in the microwave, and then garnished with a dollop of store brand salsa.

They tasted like sadness.

* I transcribe my blog posts to a kindly old Korean woman that runs a nail salon near my house, and she posts them for me. She doesn't speak English, so hopefully nothing has been lost in translation. Good times!

* No, there's not.

Best/Bad Book Covers #3

It's time for Best/Bad Book Covers 3: Tokyo Drift! B3-C3 as they say on the street. You know, like that robot from Star Wars.

Yeah. That's the one.

We've had Nazi gnomes. We've had bird-headed spacemen. What could possibly be in store this time? Find out, after the jump.

Undocumented Facts Part 3

What's that you say? Undocumented Facts? Don't mind if I do.

- Many states claim to be "The Heartland of America." Only Louisiana claims to be "America's Butt."

Or maybe it was "America's Boot."

- Captain America has never released his long-form birth certificate to the Tea Party.

What are you trying to hide?! Other than your face. And identity.
You know, just forget we said anything.

- The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. So...somebody ought to get some water. We should really try to put it out.

- There is no fourth item.

- The square root of Rush Limbaugh is a moldy potato.

SCIENCE!

- Thunder is caused by Angels. Specifically Angels shooting out bolts of electricity, which super-heats the air around it, causing it to expand so rapidly it breaks the sound barrier. At least that's what they taught us in Sunday School.

Ouch!

I spent about 17 hours in a lake this weekend and got a little sunburned. Below is a picture of me, taken in a field of ripe tomatoes.

I'm the one on the left.

I even had sunscreen on. Although in retrospect I guess I should have realized it wasn't going to work very well. I bought it at the Dollar Store. It was $2.99 for 12 cans. The SPF value is listed as "Very," and in the small print it says "Made in Chuna."

I can't believe this failed me.

Oh well. Hopefully this bag of "Allo Creams" will help sooth the burning.

Reckless Activities for Stupid People #2

It's another "classic" column of Reckless Activities for Stupid People, lightly updated for the savvy readers of 2011. And Beyond!

Why another old column, you ask? Well, other than the obvious "Historic Preservation" aspect of it, the answer is simple. I wanted to get a post up, but not take the time to actually write one.

And these day old fries won't eat themselves.

So once again, my laziness is humanity's gain. You're welcome, everybody in the world.

Quickly Drawn Comics #3 Starring Bill and Berke

You know what sucks? Not being able to remember how exactly you used to draw and scan in your crappily made stick-man comic.

And then spending hours trying to figure it out.

And then still having it turn out like this.

Enjoy!