Advice for Quitting Smoking

After smoking between half a pack a day and a full pack a day for over 20 years, I have quit smoking. It's been 6 weeks since I've had a cigarette.

It seems like everyone has an opinion on what to do when you're trying to quit, even if they've never smoked before. So why should I be any different? But the advice I'm going to share is something I haven't seen or heard anywhere else. Because I'm a rebel, that's why.

So here's my advice, as a former long-time smoker, to anyone who's looking to quit smoking:

Don't do it.

Seriously, don't. Quitting sucks. I'm 6 weeks in and it still sucks. I've put on weight, I feel like shit most of the time, and I still want a cigarette really, really bad.

I would kick like a thousand puppies to be this guy right now.

If this is what it's like to be a non-smoker, it's totally not worth it. Sure, maybe I'll live an extra year or two now. But those extra years are the late, crappy years. I wouldn't have missed them.

Plus, smoking isn't all bad. One upside to smoking that I think has been largely ignored for the past decade is how cool it makes you look.

Look how awesome this dude is.

Being a smoker also inhibits your sense of smell. Which, as I've discovered in the past few weeks, is a good thing. Most of the world literally stinks. Like all the time.

You can practically see the stink lines.

So all you smokers out there thinking about quitting; forget about it. The pros do not outweigh the cons. Although you will outweigh all kinds of stuff if you do quit. 

Because you'll put on weight and get fat. That's where I was going with that one.

Shipwreck from G.I. Joe Says:

I know that I haven't seen Cousin Balki, and neither has Polly.

And knowing is half the battle.

100!

Holy crap, this is the 100th post on my blog! It's Undocumented Facts centaversary! Huzzah!

It's party time, you whippersnappers!

I would love to be able to say that the reason it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post is because I was coming up with something massive and original for my 100th post. But I think we all know that simply isn't true. So instead here's a list of a few other things that reached the century mark. Let's see what kind of illustrious company I'm in!

 - The Adventures of Jerry Lewis, an appropriately titled comic book based on the adventures of Jerry Lewis, made it up to 124 issues.

That's a whole lot of glavin!

 - The television show Yes, Dear lasted 122 episodes. You remember it. It was that show, with the thing.

It starred those guys. And some lady-guys.

- Groundbreaking film director Leni Riefenstahl lived to be 101 years old. Oh, and she was also a huge Nazi. Like friends with Hitler huge.

- Pug Talk Magazine has published almost 200 issues. That's right, a magazine exclusively about pugs not only exists, but has been publishing for decades. That's not depressing at all.

You probably thought I'd go for the obvious "bitch" joke here, didn't you? Grow up.

Well, that truly is some impressive and exclusive company I'm in. It's an honor to have Undocumented Facts join their ranks. 

It just goes to prove that to make it this long, I've obviously got to be producing something of quality. Just ask Kenny G, who has recorded over 150 songs. 

Nicely done, Mr. G. Nicely done.