Funny Title Goes Here!

Hey, remember Spuds MacKenzie?

Who's a drunk little boy? You are!

Man, that dog sure loved to party.

And whores. He also loved whores.

Best/Bad Book Covers #2

It's time for the second installment of Best/Bad Book Covers! B3C if you're hip.

Like this.

Can the second cover possibly live up to the awesomely bad spectacle of the first cover? No. Of course not. I mean look at it. You can't top Nazi Gnomes with whips. Which, now that I think about, makes it kind of a stupid move for me to lead off with that one. Kind of blew my load on the first try. Nowhere to go but down. Bit the big one. And other double entendres.

Well, you must be chomping at the bit for the next cover. How could you not be, after the hard sell I just gave. Read on after the jump!

Michele Bachmann is the Anti-Christ!

Did that get your attention? I hope so. That's the whole point.

This post isn't actually about Michele Bachmann. Or the Anti-Christ. Although she does look a little Anti-Christ-y in this picture.

I'll swallow your SOUL!

This post isn't about anything, really. No, it's the first ever Shameless, Horrible Attempt to increase web Traffic! SHAT for short. Assuming that you ignore a couple of words in there.

Basically I'm just going to randomly include things that I think are probably popular internet searches, and hope some people accidentally stumble here by mistake (that's the greatest sentence I've ever written.) Won't they be in for a treat.

So let's see. Justin Bieber. That's a thing, right? Here's a picture.

Maybe it's a LesBieberbian.

Yeah, I can see why that chick is so popular.

What else? How about Pogs? Kids still like Pogs, right? How could they not?

Especially religious ones.

Those sure look like fun. And like a popular web search result.

You know what I would do a search for right now? Ham sandwiches. I'm hungry.

You can almost taste the blandness.

I'm pretty sure 90% of posts on Facebook and Twits on Twitter are about what people are eating at that moment. So this should draw in that crowd.

And lastly, you know what I heard is really popular? The blog Undocumented Facts.

It's like a mirror looking into a mirror.

Or at least that's what's on my computer most often.

I hope you enjoyed the first round of SHIRT! Or whatever I called it up there. I can't be bothered to scroll up and check. If this works, I'll be rich with internets! Excelsior!

Reckless Activities for Stupid People Version 5.0: Stupid Lives!

Introduction - A Column for the Ages

The article you're about to feast your eyes on has a lot of history behind it. Reckless Activities for Stupid People in general, and this entry specifically, have had a pretty crazy life.

This entry first began as a speech I gave in a college speech class. I got an "A". I pretty much rule like that.

 A few years later I wrote it down, slapped the title "Stupid Activities for Reckless People" on the top of it and had it published in the school newspaper of a college in Alabama that I didn't attend. I did live in the dorms there for 3 weeks, despite not going to school there, but that's a different story.

Later still, I changed the title to "Reckless Activities for Stupid People" (because I liked RASP as an acronym better than SARP,) decided to make a reoccurring column out of it, and started posting on themestream.com. Themestream was a website that initially paid writers 10 cents per unique hit on every article. Quickly realizing that was bat-shit insane, they dropped their rates to 2 cents a page. But considering they literally let anyone post anything, that was still a ton of people getting paid to post mostly terrible articles. In less than a year they were out of business. I managed to get one $25 check from them before they folded. Considering I was working for ASP at the time, that represented about 3 days pay, so I was thrilled.

A few years later I moved the column over to a horror website called deviantminds.com. Despite the fact that this column has nothing to do with the horror fiction genre, I had a bit of a name for myself in the small press horror community and they were happy to have me aboard. The website eventually shut down when the editor was suspected of helping his mother murder his father and then dismember the body in an attempt to hide it. Seriously.

And many years later here we are. After starting life in a college class almost 20 years ago (Jesus Christ, I'm old,) Reckless Activities for Stupid People lives again. I've decided to keep the "classic" columns as they were, including the beginning disclaimer and my always changing bio at the end of them. Mainly because I put some funny shit in the bios. This first column isn't the funniest of the bunch. I sweetened a few parts up, but it's largely the same as the original speech. Hard as it may be to believe, my writing has improved over the years. But this first entry has the most history of anything I've written, and has been seen/heard by the most diverse audience. So despite its flaws, I like it, warts and all.

I also realize this introduction has been long on the history, and short on the funny. But when  RASP becomes an international smash hit all this info will come in very handy for whomever writes the inevitable Wikipedia entry. You're welcome, nerd of the future.

And now, after the jump, brace yourself for the 5th ever world premiere of Reckless Activities for Stupid People! Bring an extra pair of pants. You're going to need them.

Eureka! (not Kansas)

While in the Black Hills last week, Ashley and I panned for gold. Check out our haul.

Liquid Gold. Or more accurately, Gold in Liquid.

See those gold colored flecks in the bottom of the vials? That's real gold. Texas Tea. The picture below should give you an idea of their relative size.

It's the shiny flakes at the bottom.

I know what you must be thinking right now - "Holy shit, Adam. You're totally rich. Rich with gold!" 

Well, you're right. I don't know the exact conversion rates, but I'm pretty sure the gold we panned is worth $12.6 million. Not bad for only paying seven bucks each to pan for it.

But I'm not planning on spending it. I think I'll have it melted down and made into a gold tooth. Not a "grill" as the kids call it, but an actual fake tooth. And then I'll just keep it in case I ever need it. Because you can never have enough spare teeth.

And I want to eventually look like this.

Undocumented Facts Part 2

It's time for another round of previously Undocumented Facts! Get excited, everyone!

Like this guy.

Quickly Drawn Comics #2