Advice for Quitting Smoking

After smoking between half a pack a day and a full pack a day for over 20 years, I have quit smoking. It's been 6 weeks since I've had a cigarette.

It seems like everyone has an opinion on what to do when you're trying to quit, even if they've never smoked before. So why should I be any different? But the advice I'm going to share is something I haven't seen or heard anywhere else. Because I'm a rebel, that's why.

So here's my advice, as a former long-time smoker, to anyone who's looking to quit smoking:

Don't do it.

Seriously, don't. Quitting sucks. I'm 6 weeks in and it still sucks. I've put on weight, I feel like shit most of the time, and I still want a cigarette really, really bad.

I would kick like a thousand puppies to be this guy right now.

If this is what it's like to be a non-smoker, it's totally not worth it. Sure, maybe I'll live an extra year or two now. But those extra years are the late, crappy years. I wouldn't have missed them.

Plus, smoking isn't all bad. One upside to smoking that I think has been largely ignored for the past decade is how cool it makes you look.

Look how awesome this dude is.

Being a smoker also inhibits your sense of smell. Which, as I've discovered in the past few weeks, is a good thing. Most of the world literally stinks. Like all the time.

You can practically see the stink lines.

So all you smokers out there thinking about quitting; forget about it. The pros do not outweigh the cons. Although you will outweigh all kinds of stuff if you do quit. 

Because you'll put on weight and get fat. That's where I was going with that one.